🐶 Elon Musk starts “DOGE”

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TOP STORY
🐶 Elon Musk starts “DOGE”

As you may have heard by now, Elon Musk is joining Donald Trump’s presidential cabinet.

Yes, it’s true: The world’s richest man has decided he has some time to spare and has teamed up with fellow billionaire and political hopeful Vivek Ramaswamy to lead the Department of Government Efficiency (or DOGE).

• Wait, this has to be a massive joke.

• You’re saying Elon is in charge of the DOGE? Like the crypto meme coin?

• Lol, yes, this is actually happening.

But this initiative ain’t about coins; it’s about cutting through red tape, slashing bloated budgets, and shaking up Washington’s “business as usual.” 

BAR.

What’s their plan? 

As of now the details are about as thin as Trump’s hair, but the president-elect says DOGE will work outside the government to dismantle bureaucracy, cut wasteful spending, and reorganize federal agencies. 

It’s essentially the government’s version of spring cleaning… on steroids.

So what are Musk and Ramaswamy actually doing?  

• For starters, they’ll partner with the Office of Management and Budget and serve as Trump's key advisors. 

• Musk, a Mar-a-Lago regular since the election, said on X that he plans to “delete the mountain of choking regulations.” 

Meanwhile, Ramaswamy is already on a mission to “crowdsource examples of fraud and waste” from the public.  

Wait, we’re spending half a trillion on expired programs? 

Yep, which is why Ramaswamy thinks it’s a great place to start slashing.

 “There are 1,200+ programs no longer authorized but still receiving appropriations,” he posted on X.

“This is totally nuts.”

But the year-and-a-half deadline means Musk and Ramaswamy need to move fast. 

Whether they succeed or crash like a failed rocket launch remains to be seen, but if nothing else, the next four years are shaping up to be... incredible.

FOOD DELIVERY
🛒 GrubHub sold for $650M, bought for $7B in 2021

2 years ago, Just Eat Takeaway made headlines after acquiring Grubhub for $7.3 billion.

• They, like many others, wanted to dominate the U.S. food delivery market.

• But unfortunately for them, it proved to be a bit too lofty of a goal.

Earlier this week, their food dream officially died after the company announced it would be selling Grubhub for $650 million, a far cry from the $7.3 billion it spent in 2021 to buy the food delivery platform.

Damn, that's an even bigger price drop than turkey in the first week of December (*crickets*)!

Anyways, moving right along.

As many of us did, JET made a costly pandemic purchase, thinking COVID-19 might last forever and that people would continue to get lazier and lazier.

The latter may still be true, but unfortunately for them, COVID ain’t here no more.

ENTERTAINMENT
🤷 Disney’s mixed Q4 earnings

Disney came through this week with some very interesting numbers from their Q4 earnings.

Let’s just say it’s a pretty mixed bag.

Here’s the scoop:

• Streaming Profit: $321 million (vs. -$387 million last year) — talk about a glow-up). 📈

• Revenue: $22.6 billion (up 6% year-over-year) — right in line with expectations. 📈

• Net Income: $460 million (up a ridiculous 74% year-over-year) 📈

• Cable Networks: Income down 38% to $498M (ouch) 📉

• Theme Parks: Operating income dropped 6% to $1.66B 📉

As expected, Disney’s streaming game is the clear MVP here, with Disney+, Hulu, and ESPN+ crushing it for the second straight quarter in a row.

• They even snagged 4.4M new Disney+ subscribers, blowing past analyst expectations of 900K (come on, guys, you gotta start believing in the mouse more).

• Another interesting stat is that more people are choosing ad-supported plans.

• In the U.S., a solid 37% of subscribers have picked the ad option.

Honestly, it makes a lotta sense. All you gotta do is play on your phone when the ads are on.

Oops, I shouldn’t have told Disney the secret hack!

But it’s not all sunshine and Mickey ears.

The theme park business took a hit, with operating income dropping 6% to $1.66 billion due to rising costs.

Also, overseas parks lost traffic revenue, especially Disneyland Paris, which saw fewer visitors during the Paris Olympics.

And cable? Yeah, that’s still on life support.

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